Oh wow. That is marvelous. And I like your changes to the script! So many details. Argh. I love all of it. I think my favorite bit is that the green moon is hiding in the first image. It's the absolute symbol of how fucked up everything is and it's there.

Also, surprisingly, it really echoes my first picture, which has the moon hisding out in the background, too. So we've got this balance thing nailed!