Yes they do look a bit off. I would go with the first post you did for them.

On another note, this has been a spectacularly unpleasant day for me, yet this right here has dramatically turned the day around. Thank you very much Niji. This is stunning art.

One thing:
"This can't go on. Others fall--they were your friends, and allies--and you let it happen. you taunt him about lost troops, he brings up the roll call of your. In the quiet and the dark neither of you ask why you suffer the decent to die and yourselves to live..." ==> soon you'll both march to judgment

Your I think needs to be yours?